Without Reason

I do not know why i can not keep up with a routine, yes i already know i have ADHD and yes that might be the reason, but oh my lord its so hard to explain why i hate the fact that i cant keep a normal routine going.

So years ago, and i am saying well over 10 years ago, i was very neat and tidy and got everything done when i needed to. Now a days not as chance, i have well to much stuff, stuff may i add that is rather useless really. I just keep it…without a reason.

Okay okay maybe with some reason…like well someone else might want it, or i cant throw it away as thats just damaging to the planet and so on…but really if anything its messing with my head. I mean it i had a moment this morning because my yard/garden hasn’t be able to be used in over 10 years and its now become a dumping ground for all my broken and unwanted items that do need to go to the tip.

So I ask why did i have a moment this morning about my garden/yard that I haven’t used for so many years…because i am sick of not being able to use it. You see my yard/garden isn’t private. It’s meant to be but its just so open plan and its so crazy. I fear going in it and then i want to go in it. Yet for so long i have put off going in it….and now i cant use it unless i have the money to get rid of the things in it and then i can at least begin with all the ideas.

My ideas for my yard/garden…well now thats exciting…The yard/garden is set into two parts. The lower part which is a court yard with a well in front with four steps going to the top part, which is classed as the garden as this actually has some growth. The top part has a silly very over large path in the centre of the garden and this path goes to the back gate. This garden part is on a slope and dips down again from the top to the right towards the gate. In my option the garden was just thrown together and then the path was put there to show the way to the steps, which is most likely the only straight thing in the damn garden…all but wood that i have added to the dumping ground which in turn will end up going to the tip…

Anyway i have to clean up my mess as my plan for the lower area is a rabbit corner, so that my children and i can have a space to go and share with our bunnies. I already have garden furniture as once upon a time there were a few times i tried to enjoy having a garden worth using, but i have some issues with my neighbours that took those ideas out of my head. So again why is it different now. Well my rabbits live in the house and soon they wont be able to as i am getting my kitchen fixed and this would leave any space for my bunnies. So i want to be able to make a lovely space for them so that can be safe, and have some where to run freely, with supervision of course.

To even start this rabbit corner i need cash a lot of it, i need to get rid of all the crap thats in the yard and thats almost full, then there is a few bits and pieces that need to go from the top part too, and then after spending money on someone to collect my stuff to take to the tip. I would then have to wait for a few more months to have enough money to build the yard part into the rabbit corner…it would need two rabbits hutches and then the surrounding area blocked off so that the bunnies didn’t get out when they were out and about in the yard. Money money money….The top part would most like be the last thing to be done and again money is needed. To make sure that the garden was actually as private as i need it to be i would need a wooden fence on the right hand side of top part. On top of the stairs were fences to help make sure no one fell from the top with is a good four foot high. These where badly damaged and need replacing, i took them off as they were a hazard and my housing wont replace them. So more money involved. These would need to be done to give extra privacy.

Then finally i would be able to plant some needed trees, i love trees i am a much plant lover and trees are my favourite. I would try to find ones that are fast growing and big ones too, i would get my daughter an apple tree as she has always wanted one in the garden so that would most likely be fun to have. I would try to see if i could get someone out to break that damn path that i really hate so much and I wouldn’t have a path, in fact i would cover the left over concrete with lovely soil and leave with lots of grass seeds on….a no path garden seems like an idea lol.

I would plant trees all around the top part, and i would hide away from all that would do me any harm. My secret garden to whom only my family and i could see…but its not is it…and i know why i was upset because its a dream and a fantasy.

It could happen, it might happen…but it would take a dream and a wish for it to even become half of all that…but yet i am willing to try to at least get it half way.